When I Seek-(A poem By Vanessa Redman Thorp)

When I seek the beautiful face of Jesus in my pain, I see His thorny crown, cracked lips and sunken eyes filled with tears.

When I seek the beautiful face of Jesus in my anger, I see His authority- bold, honest, truthful, restrained by His love.

When I seek the beautiful face of Jesus in my doubt & fear, I see Him in the garden of Gethsemane, drinking the cup of courage, pain and self-denial.

When I seek the beautiful face of Jesus in hunger and loneliness, I see Him pressed by the crowds, feeding the five thousand, being touched by the sick.

When I seek the beautiful face of Jesus In my humiliation, I see the radiant Glory from His throne, a Glory He rains down over my soul.

He has been there before me, Now He welcomes me to share in all He is, Never will He leave me, In Him I am at home.

Where does the time go?

Calanders, clocks, watches, birthdays all help us to mark time. We look forward to events and holidays, bedtimes for cranky kids, meals around a family table. We find rythem to our days, and meaning to our schedules.

One halloween about 10 years ago, I thought of this genius costume ( in those days the kids were open to my creativity) TIME! I know, how do you wear TIME?

I had been cleaning out my junk drawers( I have one in every room) and I kept coming across these broken watches. That's when it hit me, if I sewed them onto a tee shirt I could make this concept a costume. From there the idea took off! I stapled a calander to the front of a painter cap, I took the oversized superman watch clock off my sons bedroom wall and used it like a belt, I wrote catch phrases like- "No time like the present",& "Time waits for no man" in puffy paint on the back of the tee. I made pictures of seasonal icons on each limb of my jeans & longsleeved thermal shirt. I looked ridiculous , but felt brilliant! No other parent at the elementary school neighborhood party would be escorting thier kids as" TIME".

After the party the outfit was thrown out, no other real use for it. That doesn't mean I still don't wear Time. I not only wear it, I lose it, I give it, I forget it, I relish it and most recently I was told my back is remembering it and my face is showing it!

Until last week I mentally felt 20 years old, but my body(back) betrayed me! I can't reasonably do the same things without feeling the wear. This week I am aged again as I recieved news of my mothers death. She was young, not supposed to go at 69. And as long as she was here I was always just years younger, my own daughter just years younger then me! Today I am the Grandmama- the oldest woman in my family! And guess what ,I just really want my mommy! Where did the time go?

Road Trips

With so many relatives now living in distant places, traveling seems to be a normal part of our monthly calander. Driving the highways can be a dread or dream depending on the mental state you enter the vehicle in.

My favorite part of our family vacation time was always those incidental moments that took place in the car. Those conversations you couldn't avoid. The doors were locked and the kids belted in, the auto speeding at 65 mph into what everyone thought would be a slice of heaven! Everyone but me! I kind of knew that the trip ahead was not the reward, but the treasure lay in the interaction and revelation of our togetherness. The car was our real nest.

This kind of togetherness meant that we would "let it all hang out". We would all have to give something up in our space to make each other comfortable. We would have to take turns at music choices as well as listening and speaking. Bathroom stops and hunger pains would bring about breaks in the miles traveled. These stops provided us with fuel and a good stretch before we got going again.

We were no longer able to pursue seperate endeavors, we needed to be of one vision. The final destination! That was our hope, that we all arrive intact to the destination! But the reality was, we had to work out all the petty stuff that was bound up in each one of us to make the trip a successful one.

Being in close proximity for 2-18 hours ( depending on the location) gave us a birds eye view of important adjustments to our thinking and relating. At the onset, we all seem excited for the promise of adventure,somewhere along the way the grumbleing begins(often because a touchy subject is exposed). And then the family magic happens ! We laugh at ourselves, the way families tend to do immortalizing the ridiculous behaviors we have been caught at.

We relearn how to get over ourselves! We create lasting landmarks with regard to our own discomfort. We see who we've become in the eyes of those we love most and whom we know love us. And we change in split seconds , to adapt to whatever comes our way.

I'm so reminded that our faith journey is not much different then this. We set out with a destination, To be with God. We recognize that Jesus is the vehicle we take to reach him. But the Holy Spirit is driving the car! The car is filled with all the people in our life that God loves, and we have to get real about how we relate with one another! Some of us refuse to ride together because we can't share our space, some believe to many stops will throw us off the schedule, others might need rest stops because they become stiff without a stretch. And there is usually one or two who know a shortcut and harp on the best route. At any rate we are still all in the same vehicle!

It may be cramped, it may be noisey, it may even be emotionally draining and physically demanding, but when you love God with all your heart & might & soul, it is still a trip worth taking. " Are we there yet!!!"

Welcome to the neighborhood!

Everything has movement. Some things at the speed of light , other things barely seem to inch along. But time and space play out in such a way that we must not assume any vain sense of permanence in our lives. Boundries change, in our land as well as our thoughts. People come into seasons of our lives, and objects seem to be important one day and obsolete the next.

Have you ever had a day that seemed like it would never end? You set out to accomplish a list of mundane yet necesary tasks. Along the way you find the day has you and you are less in control of the unfolding plans that side track your expectations. Granted we all try to "work the list", but the harder we try the more frustrating it can become or the more rigid we become when the unexpected presents a demand of us.

I am a list person mentally! I like to set up my day , like bowling pins-and knock down each chore ! I feel a sense of productivity in each area of completion. For many years the things on my list gave me control over the hours I accounted for. It gave me dialogue with people around me. I t represented the image of someone who was industrious. I had a schedule to keep therefore I was needed to fulfill a responsible role. This role was sometimes as a part of a workforce, other times as wife & mother. And also part of the community in service and volunteerism.

Structure is a wonderful thing until it has a crack in it's foundation! And as Ecclesiastes 3 states "there is a time for everything under heaven, a time to build and a time to tear down". What does the tearing down have to do with my plans? It doesn't have as much to do with me as it has to do with Gods plan for me !

Years of identifying myself with various roles has me questioning my non-identity or place in the current scheme of things. I have more time to chat in a supermarket line with strangers, extra hours to spend reading, availability to do "on call " visits to sick or lonely friends & neighbors. And at first I almost felt guilty not sitting at home waiting to feed a teenager wandering in for a bite to eat , or jumping up to serve my husband after a long day at work.( Mind you none in my household are incapable of any of these things , it was just my territoy for so long.)

There I said it, I am a territorial being! My space, my time, my way! And as I now look back I have marked so many areas in My world. Have you felt ownership over your life , like me? Have you felt controlling tendencies? That is how foundations crack!!!

It has been a process to discover the areas of my life I have limited by my own harsh assessment of myself or expectations of others. I daily invite you to search out the Living God in your "things to do list". You may be surprised to find that "only a few things are necesary".

Two sisters invited Jesus to their home. One ( Martha) was frustrated by all the preparations for hospitality, the other ( Mary) sat with Jesus at HIs feet . Martha did not ask Mary to help. In her growing frustration she tried to manipulate her sister into doing the same thing she was doing, to accomplish her "to do list". She directed her statement to Jesus, to elevate the importance of her ideas on serving, and to reveal the lack of help she was recieveing . Jesus said "Martha, Martha, only a few things are necesary, Mary has chosen the good part."

Jesus was not infering that a meal wasn't needed, He was addressing the crack in Martha's foundation. It was time for Martha to stop validating herself at the cost of taking others hostage to her plan. Jesus loved Martha dearly! He wanted her to be free from the entanglements of control. He gently provided Martha with a way out and Mary with a way in to His truth about how to accept themselves in light of His love for them both. No guilt!

Focus on the importance of each task,does it leave time to spend with Jesus ? Does it really impress Him to have you knock yourself out at the cost of offending others? Will it bring you new insight to His heart of love for you? Or do you want all the pain so you get all the glory? Ultimately All Glory belongs to God!

A firm foundation keeps the Structure supported, Don't crack up!

Luggage

My oldest daughter has two little girls, one 3and one 6mos old, a hard working husband, a dog and an 80 year old home that they have been renovating since they bought it 4 years ago this week.

Atypical of most young women( most can't miss a good shoe sale) she never met a piece of luggage she couldn't find use for! From pocketbooks to diaperbags, she has amassed a collection Imelda Marcos would envy.

I recently visited her out of state residence. My plan was to spend 3 days at her house. So in my usual style of packing I grabbed my make-up case some clean underwear, 3 oldie but goody sweatpants, 2 funky tee shirts and a sweater. Shoved them in the nearest tote to the dresser, and drove off into the setting sun. I' m very much a low maintenaince women. My wardrobe has to be practical, day to evening wear. And what works better than stretchy spandex for sleep or play with the grandkids?

Anyway, I do have this one fabulous tote bag that my daughter gave me, I fill it with my bible, candy, tampons, aspirin, bandaids, pen, paper, gum, 2 pair of sunglasses, a pair of shoes, and a bottle or 2 of water & some granola bars, not to forget the various C D's & cassettes of music I constantly love to play as I travel. This bag sits right next to me on all trips.

As I was driving to her house I thought of Mary Poppins with her Black Bag dropping from the sky with umbrella in hand. I thought of Felix the cat who could solve any problem with his magical bag of tricks and I thought of my daughter.

I remember training all my children at an early age to pray and learn scripture. When they were infants I laid hands on them and blessed them. As preschoolers we sang scripture verses and had table grace as well as the bedtime prayers and readings. By the time they started school it was our habit to pray at breakfast for the day ahead, teachers, classmates and activities. I drove them to school and we would find something to be thankful for each morning and finish the ride by reciting the 23rd psalm , John 3:16, the Lords prayer or the beatitudes. I was packing them for the long life journey into each new day just like Duetoronomy challenged me to.
Those years went so fast and before I knew it I was shouting out prayers for their protection as they took themselves off to school with driving friends or by virtue of license a family vehicle.


Upon arrival at my daughters, it was easy to see what a diversity of roles she now played at a moments notice. Diaper bags, school bags, gift bags, laundry bags, recyclingbags, and earth friendly shopping bags, were in every corner of her existince. She certainly does get organized and packed up for every task of her busy household. But what most impressed me was my grandaughters statement at lunch the next day. Olivia stopped before taking a bite out of her PB&J and asked me to say a prayer for our food! It was at that point that I new the best container for Gods love for us through Christ is the Life of a child!!! My daughter really knows how to pack! And I'm sure that she has everything she needs as she esteems the reality of Christ above all else.

When we lift Jesus Higher than anything else in our life He draws all men unto himself. Teach your children about their lord when they walk ,sit , play, eat, at all times model Him. As mothers we can't go everywhere our kids go, but we don't send them out alone . We must know that they too will walk with god.

I Guess I taught mine how to pack literally & spiritually,and now she is teaching hers.

My bad ! According to Proverbs

I read a chapter out of the Bible book of Proverbs every day. There are 31 chapters in all, so one a day is like taking a vitamin. It supplements my mind and spirit with age old wisdom. I figured out long ago that basic principles of life can be absorbed, meditated on easily,recalled in times of need if I packed each day with tools for the job of training & teaching myself via Gods Word.

After all these many years of study I still find the verses about child rearing to be hard to swallow. So many of them talk about how wonderful good kids are to the Dads reputation, but how shameful it is when Moms miss the mark! What about all the great stuff we Moms do every minute of every day? What's up with that God?

Well, even my husband has made simple comments to me to that effect. " I always knew that kid would make me proud". Or"she must have gotten that mouth from you!" I don't want to be made soley responsible for the negatives that lie in the DNA of my children. But if I look deeper into this reoccurring pattern in scripture I find one word that unlocks the truth of it's intention, SHAME!!!

God is saying to us women that the enemy(Satan, evil, sin, disobedience) brings Shame. That we are vulnerable to receive this accusatory attack when we see our little ones or teens make public displays of their weaknesses. We are then weakened ourselves by the second guessing we do to correct their behavior. We ask all our friends to give us advice based on the common belief that more information from the outside will help straighten us out in what we need to do to have perfect kids!

The problem with this whole concept is that we have already bought into the mindset of the enemy! He said we failed and we put on this heavy coat of guilt! We have really screwed up! And we don't have what it takes to get the job done! Brick by brick Satan builds us into a prison of self doubt. Now we publicly aknowledge our sense of lack by stepping back from the task at hand.

Moms , Pull your heads out of the sand. My bad-No way!! I'm perfectly flawed, worthy of Christs never ending stream of grace. GRACE is the antidote for shame . If I immediately get my head and heart in position to receive Gods grace & let's not forget mercy, I can circumvent the effects of being weighed down and immobilized in the face of this challenging task of child rearing . First I have to put the air mask on myself so I can help the weaker ones in my care. Grace, the fresh air of Gods Holy Spirit, continues to sheild me & my vision of the kids by reminding me that Jesus was the only perfect person on earth. Probably because He never had children!!

Overdue library books, salad & love?

I was recruited by a well intentioned member of my church to help in our childrens ministry. I've done many things in the past working with youngsters in and outside of the church arena, my background was in early childhood education. She told me that there were prepared materials she would send in the mail. My mini-message would follow the reading of the Gospel on Sunday morning.

The Scripture text is found in the book of Matthew, the 22nd chapter. "Render to Ceaser what is Ceasers and render to God what is Gods".

The prepared lesson explained that I should have the children stand, face the flag & pledge alliagence and tell them we honor our government. Then I should tell them to look at the Cross & recite the apostles creed to honor God .Well I think this might seem like a simple explanation to most people but I can't imagine too many 2-8 year olds that know both of these or can fluently read them. Besides the only place they might recognize the name Ceaser is from watching T.V. in the context of salad or dogfood commercials.

I decided that Ceaser, needed to be translated into the currency of a more limited experience. Therefore I'm going to use the Library, Blockbuster, & love as the basis for my message.
I know you're probably curious as to how that will explain this particular scripture. Most adults I know struggle with their understanding of God, how can we expect kids to connect a worldly system with an all powerful Creator? What was Jesus talking about here?

Oh, I also received a reminder to return my overdue library book in the mail the same day as I got the lesson. I think I'll have a fine to pay next time I want to check out a good read. I hate that don't you? I mean I know it's not that big of a deal, it just tells me that membership has it's priviledges until you mess up , then it has it's price.

I used to fear going into Blockbuster a few years back when my teens would rent movies, because I never knew if they returned things on time! My husband & I occasionally got a movie out and always were told to pay some late charge for flix we didn't even see, I could have owned the darn movies for some of the extended charges I've gotten hit with!

Anyway, as I thought about this message thing, I realized that most kids watch movies and read books. The library and Blockbuster is a world system that they already recognize. It represents my Ceaser . We have to give back the movies & books because they don't belong to us. We didn't buy them.

It makes me think about how I sometimes forget to pray or love others the way I should. Like an overdue book, I don't belong to me! I have to return to God . And Jesus says "I paid the fine because I Love you and you are one of my favorite works. " I imagine If I was His living letter my first page might be dedicated to God for wanting me, purchasing me and keeping me.

Return to the Lord your God ! The Price was Paid !

Why the name "Life Laundry"

Having had an active family involved in; multiple clubs, sports, performance arts, work endeavors, and social networks , we have had to put on so many uniforms of identification. Each costume requires the accompaniment of specific accessories. Hats, tee shirts, sashes,vests,aprons, pants, socks & name badges , are paramount to create the image of a team prepared for it's victory . It brings pride of belonging as well as support in the struggle toward success.

The concept of unity is a good one until it undoes the harmony of homelife by way of a missing sports sock or a late to the laundry work shirt! And as the hectic week progresses the piles of dirty linens and clothing just grows and grows. Even though the washer & dryer never take a rest.

One day many years ago, I had a revelation about God while facing a Mt. Everest of Laundry! I come to Him all messed up from playing out in a polluted world and He pours the fuller soap of His Son Jesus' sacrificial love on me , renews me by virtue of His gracious gift of water baptism, gently tumbles me at the right temperature to loose the soil and stains through the work of His Holy Spirit and prepares me for another day of service.

Now I have to say, some stains take special measures to get release. Grass ,ink, blood, mud & wine are real tough to work out! I remember one such stain that drove me to O.C.D tendencies. My son had a favorite pair of jeans that he stained the knees with mud & blood. No Oxy clean or Shout, no amount of scrubbing or soaking could remove the embedded traces left behind. I had failed as his mother to remove the offensive stains and restore what seemed important for his sake. I kind of gave up, took the wet jeans out of the washer for the 3rd time and put them stained knees and all over a patio chair to dry in the sun. That night I forgot about them and it rained . The next day they remained again to dry. I went to retrieve them and couldn't believe my eyes. The stains were gone!! The sun had bleached them out.

Thre are times in our lives when we work so hard to remove the stains of sin out of our lives. We Try so hard to not get dirty . Life gives us Laundry! The washer goes round and round. We start all over again . We come before God and ask Him to forgive us , sometimes we just scrub & scrub at the mess hoping we can clean up ourselves. But sometimes the deep stains require us to give up the struggle, place the offense outside our spirit by asking forgiveness or by forgiving. We may need to let the rain of tears fall over the stains as we repent. But when The Son comes to us with the light of His love to shine powerfully mystically and we receive Him. We are made clean!

Life is full of laundry-Christ removes all stains!!

Keeping it Clean

Well, another week has passed and I can truelly say that no matter how many times I put something away it seems to reappear. And no matter how many times I leave something out it magically disappears! But worst of all I am usually called on to be Queen of my domain and know the exact location of all household inventory. From holiday ornaments to seasonal apparel, I could probably give TJ Maxx a few tips about inventory control.

My new philosophy is taking shape, I surveyed my sentimental stashes of cutesy clutter and decided if it can't make me cherish the time it takes to maintain it, it has to find a new home. I've decided that in todays economy re-gifting is a nice way of releasing small treasures of previous delight and recapturing the thoughtful sentiment that was intended with each objects purchase. There certainly is a place for everything to belong, but it just can't be here in my house.

With a simplified environment comes a simpler lifestyle. Hopefully one that will allow time for more relational priority than has this period of gadgets & trappings. I was thinking about the real basic elements that make for a home, table & chairs for dining, a sofa , comfy chair, 1 television, a bed & dresser per person , window shades,a placesetting per family member, basic bedding, a set of cookware. Believe it or not , that is probably more than what we all started out with when we set out on our own!

We seem to be overwhelmed in our everyday duties and decisions. We want more, but fail to be contented with the already haves, they become old fast ,no longer precious , losing value far too quickly. Sometimes not even lasting beyond the payments of our credit cards! I remember when less meant more. More room to move about,more time to get out, more freedom with our money. So I recently had a yard sale and let others walk off with so many of my stored up treasures for pennies. I regained a closet & a garage & emptied out an extra room of things I can't even remember anymore. But someone somewhere is getting the recycled benefit of more for less.

Have we lost sight of the real treasures of everyday life? The ability to let go of something material helps us to make room for something in the spirit. Dare I say an awareness of the true substance of life. Our focus is no longer lustful, our hearts no longer greedy, our identities not hidden away under masses of material possesions.


I hope that while I am purging my closets, God will hold up the lamp of his truth about who He really sees me as, I'm sure he would rather not confuse me with label on my jeans. I think it's long overdue for me to remember that as long as the robe of Christs righteousness covers me I'm always dressed for success!