All you need is love

Chocolates, candles, dinner out and sexy lingerie are all a marketing strategy to make us mindful of the importance of romance on Valentines Day. Sometimes it has just the opposite effect. It puts more pressure on us and our spouses to have symbols of affection showered upon us.

Over the many years of my marraige I have come to realize that V-Day happens when you least expect it. I now laugh with my husband about his lack of knowledge from the book of love-you know the secret book we women use as a manual to assess a mans merit in the area of romance.

I recall a trip my husband made to visit his ill mother in Florida about 15 years ago. At the airport gift shop he purchased some tee shirts for the kids as souveniers. He also gave me the worst gift I ever recieved. An Iron wood hand carved pelican! It was about 10 inches tall. I could have clubbed him with it! Instead I tried to wrap my head around the message behind the gift. It took me 2 weeks to finally ask him what he was thinking when he bought it. He said the wood was the same color as my coffee table so at least it would match the living room.

That was when I lost it altogether! I ranted about the decor(all floral victorian at the time) I questioned him on his history of knowledge of my likes and dislikes. I asked if his mother helped him pick it out(proof that she hated me). Finally after interrogating him I wrote down all my hobbies, favorites from perfume to food, and gave a list of my sizes,designers and wardrobe choices. This resume of me included music choices, authors, and places I'd like to visit. I made him tuck it into his wallet in case he ever wanted to shop for a gift for me again!! At that time he replied with a firm"don't expect any surprises". I think I ticked him off!

But to tell you the truth, some months later he surpised me while we were out shopping. I was looking at a bunch of sweaters and he suggested I buy the blue one because it was my favorite color! He must have read the resume! Something clicked inside me. I realized that men aren't mind readers and we women need to tell them what we want! No beating around the bush, no manipulations, just straight up ASK!

I would rather have a back rub that put me to restful sleep than a nightie. I'd rather a chinese take out night with a funny movie, than a high priced dinner out in heels that pinch and stockings that cut off my circulation. And I'd rather hold hands watching the 6:oo news than watch cut flowers die over the course af a week, but thats just me and thats real love. I don't have to be a super model for him to cast a glance. I don't need to speak in a sultry voice to twist his heart. I just remind myself that a quiet and gentle spirit, a deep caring love causes him to want me near.

I know my husbands love language- a listening ear, an interest in his concerns, a home cooked meal, and a smile. Making our home a sanctuary of peace proves my love for him.

Men are not complicated. If you respect your husband he will surely love you.

All you need is love!